Today I came home to the usual flurry email requests for feedback for a full afternoon of showings homes to a great buyer client. I’m not the biggest fan of feedback for reasons posted before, but this afternoon I was more forthcoming. The following are my responses to feedback requests that I really did send. See if you can guess which house is the front runner, or if any of the feedback told the agent something they didn’t already know. 

1. Showed well, but there was some concern about the shower in the former bedroom closet, the illegal bathroom, and the price. 
2. There was doubt that the client would be able to fit her car in the altered garage without surgical precision and petroleum jelly. The vast brick facade (a school gym is directly across the street) dominating the front view was a deal killer. 
3. Client felt that house was considerably overpriced for the condition.
4. Thanks for the showing. 
5. Would have been far more comfortable if owner’s wife was out of the shower when he showed us the bathroom and asked her to keep curtain closed. 
6. Nice home, but the automat-styled kitchen was a bit too much to take on.
7. Not bad, just wondering if there was a way to gain access to rear yard? We couldn’t do much better than see from upstairs. Does the owner collect/make crucifixes? Client was wondering. 

There you have it folks. Most of this stuff was obvious, and much of the “revelations” were just poor client education. We don’t want to see the woner’s wife in the shower. It would be actually nice to walk in the back yard. I am sure tha agent knows that the school towers over the listing and that the “garage” was best used for a mini. 

Now I’ll count the hours from the calls from the listing agents to tell me why 20+ religious artifacts is a room in great staging, how 3/4 of a garage is good for hand/eye coordination drills, and an expensive kitchen renovation in 50’s diner style is really neat-o, which will move my client not a millimeter. The time to scramble is not after we see the home, it is before the showing. 

I could start a whole separate blog for the things I consciously decide not to write about, because it’s just too easy to express bemusement or incredulity at the stuff a small number of agents do with a straight face. For example, a few minutes ago an agent just asked me “what kind of person” my client was when I called about their listing. I responded that she has mastered walking on her hind legs. But that’s not the purpose of this article. 

Earlier today, after all week of no response, I finally got a return call from the buyer agent whose client was ostensibly about to sign the contract on my listing. The last we heard they were supposed to meet with their attorney Monday, and then nothing. 

“I’m on vacation,” my -ahem-colleague said, “but I’m calling you back as a courtesy.” 

Well gee. What a mensch. Calling me back from the beach or hotel. How nice of. Are vacations some new real estate agent union benefit we got from management? I never got the memo. I always thought that when you went on vacation, you, um, TOLD people, and you had a co worker COVER for you so your files didn’t crap out. 

But that’s just me. 

Anyway, my compadre had no update other than that the people “were supposed to sign sometime this week.”

WOW. It must be nice to just leave town, disappear for the week, and expect deals to close themselves. 

How would the buyer clients feel if we got a competing offer and I couldn’t reach the agent about it? 

What if my seller interpreted the disappearing act as disinterest and elected to engage someone else? 

Real estate is not a wage-earning job where the dishrag is waiting in the same place you left it when the shift ended. It requires care and maintenance of the shifting sands of a transaction, and if you can’t have your hands on the rudder, you absolutely have to make sure someone can cover for you. The cavalier attitude of this agent about basically deserting the file for the week makes me wonder what else was missed on the buyer’s behalf. 

Choose your agent wisely, folks. Real estate mistakes are expensive. 

I see an interesting trend on the blog dashboard this morning from colleagues across the US- poor conduct by agents, and understandable incredulity by the authors about it. I agree. If an agent won’t present an offer, return a call, or just behave, it is a problem with an unattracive domino effect. I myself have had many a problem, for example, with agents who won’t allow me to show their listings, typically by indifference, and it has strained my standing with my own buyer client. And when someone puts an unethical impediment between you and dinner, that is bad. 

There is no one size fits all solution, but one rather under-discussed move is to simply call the agent’s broker or manager. As a broker-owner myself, anything that is a red flag for liability is a huge concern and top priority. In many cases, a call or email to the branch manager or supervising broker will get that call returned or offer answered, and often quickly. While the response may be slower by a few hours, putting it in writing in for form of an email is pretty effective. 

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that the manager may not be useful. I have had my share of shoulder shrugging, milquetoast losers without the backbone to handle the very people they were hired to handle. That is for another article. But if the manager has a half a clue, they’ll get a result. You may not like the result, as even managers will spin and talk fast to preserve an in house sale for example, but it also puts them on notice that you are no doormat, and that you won’t tolerate unprofessional conduct. 

It is a shame that we have to engage these sorts of discussions in our industry, but it is a fact of life until stndards are raised meaningfully. I can tell you this much: anyone that calls me on an issue with one of my team members can rest at night that I won’t stop drilling for answers on the matter until I hit water. Problems are training opportunities anyway, and brokers should be the go to people when their agents cause them. 

Item: The Senate passed a measure late yesterday evening to ensure that buyers of homes have their rights to “Housing with Dignity.” The act’s precepts include the right to an home in “compliance” and other minimal, basic housing rights, or to have a renumeration for the purchase of homes not in conformity to the proposed bill, which goes to the House on Friday. 

Entitled “Deserving Everything Updated For A Song” (DUEFAS), the intention of the bill is to reverse owner bias against buyers seeking affordable housing. A groundbreaking piece of legislation, the bill, if signed into law, will mandate that all homes sold the contiguous 48 states, Hawaii and Alaska have granite and stainless steel kitchens, bathrooms of marble, basements that are hermetically sealed from moisture of any kind, floor carpeting devoid of any odor a bloodhound could detect, household appliances that run in molecular silence from a minimum distance of 5 feet, at least two walk in closets, and “gleaming” hardwood floors. An earlier measure mandating crown molding and chair rail failed after the wainscoting coalition of the Midwest threatened to filibuster. The bill’s preamble statement condemning Formica as a plot to kill middle class America was also removed. 

Considered an important measure for buyer protection by Senate Democrats, the bill mandates up to a a 33 1/3% discount for all buyers buying a home not in compliance with the new requirements, as well as a price control disallowing any list price more than 1% above the median for that census tract, or an amount equal to what a buyer’s relative would recommend so long as they have bought a home once in the past 26.5 years, or have a comb over, hairnet, or exposed buttock in normal bending over, whichever is lower. 

In related news, the Republican controlled House of Representatives passed the Feaux Equity Aid Statute (FEqAS), geared toward the protection of seller’s interest in their primary life investment. Deemed the Republicans’ answer to the Democrat “attack on ownership,” the bill proposes certain inalienable protections for owners, including these highlights:

• The Sentimental Conscienciousness Clause (Senta-clause) attaching premium intrinsic value to parts of the home based on “relevant life experiences,” exempting those parts of the home from needing a physical update. 
• Establishing the efficacy of Duct Tape as a universally acceptable remedy for any household repair.
• The “Foreword Progress” rule, enabling homeowners to price protection based on the highest price sold in a thousand foot radius in the prior 48 months.
• A one-time right to a dispensation from market activity pricing with the solemn utterance before two witnesses of the words “I know what my house is worth (,dammit (optional*))”. 
• The Code Schmode addendum, allowing for up to 400 square feet of indoor or outdoor improvements such as decks, bathrooms and basements to be allowed to pass title in lieu of permits so long as the contractor was a relative or “sharp guy.”

If you are paying Cash for real estate, especially here in in a high cost area like Westchester, I have some advice as a broker who has worked with many cash buyers. First, congratulations on havng the recources to pay cash. You are blessed.

Here are a few steps that will help you in your efforts.

1. Get a statement for the account with the funds. It can be printed up from your online account, gotten from your bank branch or financial institution, or one of the statements they mail out periodically. 
2. Get a sharpie or magic marker. 
3. Take the sharpie or magic marker and black out your account number. Photocopy the document. 
4. Give the copied document to your agent so they submit it with your offer. 
5. If steps 1-4 won’t suffice for some unfathomable reason, a letter from your personal banker, CPA or attorney stating that you have the funds in liquid form will do. This is frankly, more work, but it will suffice. 

If you haven’t met Paco, you’ll be hearing about him on the news. Paco is the little rescued Chihuahua who chased armed robbers out of his master’s store. He didn’t care that they had a shotgun or dwarfed him, he still barked his head off and chased them out of the store like they were dinner if he caught up. 

Paco didn’t rest on his laurels or tell the robbers what he did in 2006. Paco didn’t tell his master to let the lawyers work it out. Paco was indifferent to the odds. He took matters into his own paws charge. 

My old head rowing coach in college, Tully Vaughan, always said this: “Crew doesn’t build character. It reveals character.”  Character is just something you have. You don’t learn to pull Excalibur out of the stone, you can or you can’t. You don’t work up to holding the hammer of Thor at the gym. You either belong in Asgaard or you don’t. Here’s what you don’t know about someone until you do know- whether they have the heart of a wolf or a chihuahua. Paco has the heart of a wolf. 

If I seem overdramatic about some dog barking at strangers and probably not knowing what a gun even is, perhaps I am. But I have a soft spot in my heart for the diminutive and the underdog. Being a shorter dude myself and often underestimated, I eat this stuff up. I have been a giant killer since the days I opened my firm for business. 

Dogs don’t understand fanfare. They understand belly rubs. If Paco could speak, he’d just say he was doing his job. 

To me, the take away is to do your job with Paco’s faith and you’ll kill giants. To consumers, there is also a lesson- biggest isn’t best. The agent who’ll do the best job for you may not work for the swanky label, they work for the result. My boss is a collective of 4 with a combined age of 26. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for them. 

Go out today and make magic. 

Some bonus inspiration:

Raw surveilance footage of the event on the owner’s Youtube account. 
Heather Dorniden’s amazing comeback. (hat tip to BLiz Spear)
People are awesome.

I don’t often blog about listings because I focus more on commentary here, but I think the walking tours we now do for our listings are very appealing. I do them Bob Vila style, with a candid, conversational walk through as if we were chatting together touring the house. I don’t use a script, so where language limps I add an annotation for clarity or to flat out correct myself. 

We just listed this home, and I think you’ll find that the tour will pique your curiosity to see the place, not just for what the walkthrough shows, but also for what it does not show, such as the pond on the other side of the grounds. 

Price taxes, and other specifics are on the walk through, and if you dig the place or have questions, give me a call or send an email. 

This is a beautiful home in Philipstown with a small pond, lovely grounds and considerate owners, and I believe that it is priced right as well. Enjoy my nasal voice.