Note: This was written from a very New York Point of view, with local sentiment on how Mike Bloomberg  and our local media handled the run up to the arrival of the storm. Please read this comment on the NY Times and this one from my fellow New Yorkers to get some perspective. I would never, ever, downplay or minimize the loss of others, and Ann and I send thoughts and prayers out to those who lost loved ones, property, and power. 

If you are in Westchester County reading this, then you survived Hurricane Tropical Storm Irene. We are not in a post apocolyptic disaster. We aren’t subsisting on water we saved in the bathtub. And the 20 extra D batteries we bought a few days ago are still in their wrappers. I share concern and sympathy for the folks elsewhere who sustained destruction, lost property, and in some cases, loved ones. That is a tragedy that can’t be measured.

Our area was fortunate to just have the isolated flooding and a handful of fallen trees that I’ve seen today. But those things are not terribly unusual for a heavy rain storm, and one wonders if the warnings and fear running up to Irene’s arrival weren’t just a tad hyperbolic, to our future detriment. 

I have never seen supermarket shelves emptied. I have never seen a run on bottled water and batteries. And I have never heard the use of the word “hunker” with such regularity as the past 72 hours. When I went to the Chilmark A & P Friday, I half expected to see Charlton Heston pushing 2 carts loaded with Soilent Green out the exit the way people were behaving. Elderly folks were loading up on rations. Complete strangers talking in line about how to tape windows and cook with Sterno. Bread, eggs and milk were cleaned out (is it customary to eat french toast during a natural disaster?). It was eerie, and the foreboding was palpable. 

And the media…news people somber, and weather people were excited to the point of being salacious. Why do weather guys get so excited about severe weather? This guy felt that reportage required that he expose himself to seafoam that probably contained raw sewage.

We went to bed concerned about blackouts, a tree falling through our ceiling or car, and our basement flooding. We woke up to a lot of rain, which is not the end of mankind, and that was it. No hurricane. No eye of the storm. CVS in Arcadian shopping center flooded but was just soggy when I went there today. And why did I go there? To get Benedryl for my wife, who got a nasty case of poison ivy preparing our yard for a hurricane that never happened. The worst thing about Irene for my family, literally, is the itching. We are very, very lucky, in light of the news elsewhere, which is destruction and tragedy. 

I am all for erring on the side of caution, but to my way of thinking, the most dangerous thing about this storm for our New York area this far inland is that many people won’t take warnings so seriously next time. We didn’t need to retreat to the fallout shelter. All those extra batteries will be good for Christmas, but that’s it. We’re lucky this time, but many people may not be as careful next storm- and that is not a good thing. 

Warning to consumers: this may be boring, as this post is written to my colleagues and not for the public. 

It’s raining here in Westchester County, and Hurricane Irene has brought a rare thing: some time off. My phone has barely rung all weekend, and in between battening down the hatches for the storm, I have been able to take a breather from a schedule that has been frantic for the lion’s share of August. I missed the hubbub about market reports on Active Rain, and since none other than Bob Stewart has praised me for my own market reports, I thought I would add my two cents to the dialog. 

First, market reports are a good thing for any real estate blogger who wants to be seen by their local public as a go-to person for information. They are also good for SEO, and another little fringe benefit is that they make you more knowledgeable about your market. They seldom get many clicks or comments and almost never appear on the feature dashboard, but that is not their purpose. Market reports build your business. I know this firsthand. So here is how I write a market report:

• Be specific. Choose a clear area and time period, such as a school district, town or city, and make the report for a month, quarter, or week. And differentiate what property type you are covering, because in my area a 2-bedroom co-op apartment can cost $150,000 and a 2-bedroom house can be $400,000. They deserve separate coverage. 
• With regard to charts and graphs, less is more. People glaze over after more than one graph. At least, I do. The good folks at Altos Research, as well as many MLS systems, can give you the means to do some excellent graphics, it just isn’t necessary to post a statistical Sistine Chapel to make your point. 
• Add some commentary. Don’t just post data and leave people to interpret it. That’s work, and I have enough of it on my own. What’s the bottom line? What should we conclude? Are we up from last year or are we down? I always compare my time period to that of the prior year at the same time, and I let my readers know if volume is up or down, and how median price is faring as well. This makes the mundane report actually readable. 
• Sell the area. Post a photo of downtown or a nice neighborhood. Talk about a listing you sold there recently, or how popular the place is for foodies, dog lovers or movie buffs. Great restaurants, parks and cultural attractions matter as much as median price. One village near me, Pleasantville, NY, has all of the above and a centrally located metro north train station right in the heart of the village, making it a great commuter community. Don’t keep these facts a secret in market reports. 
• Keep it simple. Facts, overall message, and a pretty photo are three calling cards of my own reports. Median price, number of sales, how we fared compared to last year and what the outlook is for buyers and sellers are the elements I use. You aren’t figuring out the efficacy of bringing in a Home Depot to a boardroom of suits, you are telling a local owner if the time is right to sell or a buyer 30 minutes away if this is where they might see opportunity. 
• Link to your prior posts on the area. This shows people all your commentary on the place, and if they are interested in the area they’ll spend a good deal of time reading you. This is where tags are crucial.  
• Wrap it up with a call to action. If you have an IDX solution, link to it. THIS IS THE POINT. 
• Syndicate. Tweet it with the town hashmark (#Scarsdale), link to it on your Facebook business page, and submit it to other media. Email it to clients or prospects. 

Right on the tail of HAMP, HAFA, HVCC, MARS, and MAP, our acronym loving government has unveiled a new initiative to address the depressed housing market. Since 3 and 4 letter acronyms haven’t worked thus far, a bi-partisan initiative is getting final approval in both houses- The Federal Universal Big Acronym Regulation, or FUBAR. 

FUBAR has had some components since the early 1970s, but it has been streamlined and updated to address the housing market of 2011. “Our goal,” according to congressman Barney Frank “is to implement FUBAR before the end of the year and make the whole economy FUBAR, once we FUBAR the housing market.” Even Republicans have grudgingly admitted that FUBAR is what they do best, and what makes the most sense. 

Some of the elements of FUBAR Include:

• The marginalizing of the FHA program, the backbone of the housing industry since the 1930’s, which must make it bad;
• The eradication of the Federally chartered entities such as Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which have become the scapegoats for the downturn;
• The end of the mortgage interest deduction, because Lithuania has a higher ownership rate than we do, and they don’t have it. And we have so much in common with Lithuania. Or Latvia, but it doesn’t matter. 
• The phasing out of the 30-year fixed mortgage, which gave the USA a false sense of being “special.”
• Old carry over rules will continue the draconian regulation of field agents in lending and real estate, making them shit their pants anytime they are asked about schools, crime statistics, nearby houses of worship and other irrelevant matters on choosing a home. 
• Loan officers will be paid “something,” according to Congress insiders, and that number will be made public once they figure out how to splice the decimal. However, they won’t be able to quote borrowers a rate or a payment and face genital branding with a hot iron if their good faith estimate is more than $75 different from the HUD-1. 
• Executives and policy makers will continue their exemption from just about any regulation or consequence of their actions, a holdover from the days of prosperity, according to those close to the committee. 
• Closing attorneys will still be allowed to have their wife walk into the closing room and introduce her as the “title company.” If Real estate agents or loan officers are related without the informed consent and endorsement of the lender, title, buyer, seller, local rabbi, and dog catcher they face being dipped in molasses and fed to red ants. 
• All federal incentives for ownership will instead be applied to renters, which is intended to stimulate this oppressed, yet growing, group. “Have you ever been in a ‘cat house?’ boomed Eric Cantor (R) when asked about rental subsidies. “I’ve been in my share of cat houses. And those ladies own. They don’t rent. We have enough cat houses, I’ve checked. It’s time to help renters.”

Also deemed the Federal Undertaking for Big Advance of Renting, FUBAR is embraced by Vice President Biden as well. “FUBAR, man. FUBAR. Can ya dig it?” The Vice president then stuffed the rest of his roast beef sandwich in his mouth and booked a 2 week vacation to the south of France before drinking some Johnny Walker Blue straight from the bottle. 

This past Wednesday I attended an event put on by JP Morgan Chase at the Waldorf-Astoria hotel in Midtown Manhattan. There were over 300 employees from Chase present, along with what seemed like at least 1000 brokers and agents. Chase’s national REO manager, former NFL football player Brian Stablein was a speaker, as was Jed Smith, a managing director at NAR. The evening was educational in nature, centering on the market outlook as well as Chase’s initiative to expand their REO agent base for the sale of their assets. I have never seen a lender be so forthcoming about how to become an REO agent for them, ever. 

After the presentations, the floor was opened for a question and answer session, with a lively exchange between licensees in the audience and the panelists on the stage, all managers with JP Morgan Chase. It was quite unrehearsed. The agents really let the Chase people know just what they thought of the practice of their use of “out of town” BPO agents and appraisers, as well as the damage that was often caused by their use, and didn’t let the VP off the hook when her answer didn’t tackle the issue to their satisfaction. Candid, hard-hitting stuff. I had to give Chase credit for the apolitical, spin-free format. 

Toward the end, the audience was told that we had two more questions before some complimentary food and drink. One of those final questions got up and said that she didn’t know what an REO even was, and that the presenters should have explained it at the start. 

At an REO event. 

I had to ask the people next to me if that really happened, and I didn’t doze off and dream it. No, we were all quite awake. 

Now, I hate to pile on a well-meaning agent who is confused, and frankly I’d attend a baseket weaving exposition at the Waldorf Astoria just to drink the water, so the agent had every right to be there. And I don’t even fault her for not knowing what an REO is I suppose, because you don’t know what you know until you know it. But criticizing the panel for it seemed like one of those “only in New York” moments that only happen in the Big Apple. Sometimes a little humility is in order, you know? 

Just in case you are wondering, “REO” stands for “real estate owned” by a lender after they foreclose on it. If you ever get a chance to do anything at the Waldorf-Astoria, by all means do so. There is no place like it in the world. 

 By the way, moments after I took this picture, I ran into Barb Altieri! 

No shows are a part of the business. I often keep repeating the phrase “yes, I went to college” as I stand in the driveway of a home, staring at it, wondering if I can do some sort of Schopenhaur exercise to manifest a human being, preferably the owner, to answer the door or the phone. And the guy from this morning’s no show did indeed call me back,  a half hour after I drove away, to let me know he was in fact home, but didn’t hear the door, phone or whimpering broker in the yard because…

…wait for it…

He was in the shower. At 11am on Tuesday, August 16, 2011, the man was inspired to pursue his hygiene at the very moment we were supposed to talk about the possible sale of his home. This is not the first person I have inspired to get soaked at the time they were scheduled to meet with me. It is somewhat common. I don’t know why. I really don’t. I remember back in college I had a strange talent for inspiring co-eds to empty their bladder at social events. 

“Hi, I’m Phil”
“Hi Phil, dying to pee. I’ll be RIGHT BACK.”

Damn I was good.  I never figured out how to monetize the Gift. 

Is there something about me that makes people want to shower (my poor self esteem!)? Or, conversely, are people so honored to meet with me that they must anoint themselves with cleansers and bath oils in anticipation of our meeting, even to the exclusion of punctuality? And why is the likelihood of a no-show, shower-related or otherwise, so bloody proportional to the distance I travelled and the hoops I jumped through to fit them in my schedule to start with? 

I hate no shows. I would rather meet with a person overdue for their daily shower than not meet with them at all. Is it possible that they are fibbing to cover that they were asleep, otherwise occupied, or forgot? Is it me? 

Much has been written about the “code” licensees employ in describing their listings. For example, “cozy” is Agentspeak for “cramped.” “Potential” means that nothing has been updated since 1980. You get the picture. There are hundreds more, and I don’t blame consumers for taking agents’ descriptions with a grain of salt. 

However, consumers are people too, and from my vantage, I have often seen the some propensity for being, shall we say, creatively interpretive in turns of the phrase from them as well. So, in the interest of a little fun, I shall offer a few examples of consumer terms needing translation I have heard over the years. 

Consumer Real Estate Glossary

Outdated (buyer)- over 5 years of age
Updated (seller)- We changed a fixture or appliance
Musty– anything that doesn’t smell like laundry detergent
Moldy– Humid
Buyer’s market-I want to offer the same price for  for this 4 bedroom colonial as the 2 bedroom bungalow down the street.
Falling down– I see a drywall seam
They are crazy– I disagree
Slobs– The people with 4 kids who just let us into their home on 30 minutes notice.
My lawyer– God
Their lawyer– Satan 
Overpriced– We prefer to lose the house in a bidding ar after they whack the price next month.
We were thinking– We changed our minds
I’m paying Cash– I have an equity line on another property and I will remove my mortgage contingency 
Comps (seller)- Inferior garbage to my place
Comps (buyer)- Anything that sold for 15% less
I will use my union lawyer– The transaction will now enter the 7th ring of Dante’s Inferno
We are using an Internet lender– The deal will die 2 weeks before closing when Brad in Utah disappears into the cosmos 
I’d like to bring my parent to see the home– NO deal.
Sorry for not getting back with you– We were seeing homes with another agent who didn’t work out.
Pre-approved– I had coffee with a bank teller last April
Legal deck/bathroom etc– My brother in law knew what he was doing just fine.  

Feel free to add your own. And do remember that we are all people, and that this is meant to be a little fun at all our foibles in what is an otherwise uncommon period of life-buying or selling a home. 

Water created the Grand Canyon. Anyone who has ever seen a house with a leaky roof or basement appreciates this. And sewage is mostly water. It erodes. While sewage didn’t cause the recent leaks (really massive spills) in Harlem and now Ossining, it is clear that external damage, such as a fire or tree falling, will cause massive destruction to the corroding, crumbling conduits through which we have managed our waste the past century. And we don’t have the money to fix it. All that has been done is repair the damage to stop the spill and dump bleach in the waterways to manage the bacteria. Does that make you rest easy? 

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and at a time when we should be investing in shoring up and updating infrastructure throughout New York, we instead fix problems as they occur and put off the inevitable. Today it is the sewers, which is kind of icky. But tomorrow it might be the roads, which if you haven’t noticed are often in deplorable condition around Westchester. By roads I am also including our nearby Tappan Zee Bridge, which is past its life expectancy and in poor shape. With the volume of traffic that travels over the bridge each day, a catastrophic failure of tragic, epic proportions becomes more likely each day. 

Like a house or a car, municipal infrastructure requires maintenance and at some intervals, wholesale replacement. Our local roads, waste management, drinking water, recycling, and energy systems are decades and in some cases approaching centuries old and there is no plan in place to do the big ticket work that is inevitable. Worse than no plan, there are no funds. 

Part of managing a business, a family, and a community has to involve a capital fund or savings of some sort so that there is a rainy day fund to handle and pay for the next crisis. Borrowing is no longer an answer, as we are right now under crushing debt at almost all levels of government, and we can’t sustain the current liabilities. Something has to give. 

While I don’t have an answer, the first step is to acknowledge the facts and live in the question. Our infrastructure is aging and in some cases failing, and we don’t have the plan, logistical or financial, to address the problem. Think about that next time you swerve to avoid a pothole.