If I hadn’t gone through this myself with my own mother I doubt I would write about it. I do think that my (and my brothers’) experience is worth sharing for those who are considering this as an option.
First, it is worth noting that getting old is good fortune. Not all people get to live well into their 80s or 90s, and my mom made it to 88.
It’s also worth noting that there are lots of reasons to consider assisted living beyond one’s house being too much for them to manage. But let’s tackle the obvious reasons first.
- The expense of maintaining a home for a senior who lives alone and is on a fixed income is high no matter where you live, but in places like Westchester County, it can be prohibitive. Assisted living sure isn’t cheap either, but when you add up the maintenance, utilities, upkeep, taxes, and all the other costs associated with a typical single family home, the math may often point to a place that is more of a one stop shop.
- The physical strain of a single family home is also a consideration. Stairs. Lawncare. Taking out the garbage. Grocery shopping. Even driving can be a challenge at a certain point where the physical demands of living alone strain the quality of a person’s life.
- Socialization. Once my mother reached a certain age, day to day living became lonely. She had long since retired. Her circle of friends was shrinking by the year. Her access to church, shopping, and other former backbones of her social life and autonomy became nonexistent save for the driving favors of me and my brothers.
For our family, the physical, mental and financial arrows all pointed to a significant need for change. My mother needed to make new friends. She needed help with her meals. She could no longer drive and couldn’t do as much for herself as she once could. Moreover, we couldn’t stay on top of the things we once took for granted, like making sure she didn’t eat expired perishable food or experience difficulty procuring and taking her prescription medications.
It’s kind of heartbreaking to see a person who was once a dynamic career woman lose her ability to care for herself the way she should. Even bringing my kids to see her was challenging, because her space was no longer toddler-friendly.
It’s also tough for some people to ask for help, especially for basic things like a broken toilet, a leaky faucet, or a new light bulb. There were times when I’d spend the first half hour of a visit addressing those very things- throwing rotten food away, refilling prescriptions, and fixing small household things that she was too bashful to ask for help with.
When the decision was made, my brothers and I all discussed the state of affairs with my mother, and she agreed that the quality of her life would be better if she didn’t have so much on her plate. She had spent winters in Texas with my older brother, but when he passed away we had to sell that house. The agent we dealt with, Tina Bertucci, was excellent. What is done with the primary residence once assisted living becomes the permanent arrangement is where a good real estate agent is worth their weight in gold.
The timeframe and preparation for selling the primary residence is a big part of where an agent matters. It’s not always easy to clean out decades of possessions and memories from a home, even if a senior has moved out for good. They often feel that they should have a say is how the contents of the house are dispensed with, and deservedly so; that’s their stuff.
For my mother, having her meals taken care of and being around other people with similar interests was a big game changer. She had always been a bit of a pack rat, and we were surprised that for a majority of her things, out of sight was out of mind. She wasn’t nearly as opposed to throwing out, donating, and otherwise removing things she no longer needed. The new reality of never missing a medication, never having to do dishes or drag a big garbage can out to the curb, and dozens of other “little things’ to the rest of us made her later chapters in life better.
For the past 7 years, I have been a Senior Real Estate Specialist, or SRES. The designation did teach me quite a bit, but it was my experience with my mother that makes this more personal than any other professional designation I have. Moving is a big deal for anyone; sunsetting a home and making a lifestyle change for someone in their autumn years is considerably more.
The big question to ask when considering assisted living is fairly simple. Will this improve the quality of life for the person? That doesn’t fully take into account the pain of change, the adjustment or the new challenges. They will always be baked in and there’s no way to sugarcoat that difficulty. But if the day to day quality of life for a person is such that they are unable to truly care for themself and assisted living would improve their day to day quality of life, then it should be explored sooner rather than later.
I think I speak for legions of other real estate licensees when I say that our involvement in this chapter of someone’s life is something we take very seriously, and we bring with us a significant amount of empathy, compassion, and patience.
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When is Assisted Living the Right Move for Seniors?
First, it is worth noting that getting old is good fortune. Not all people get to live well into their 80s or 90s, and my mom made it to 88.
It’s also worth noting that there are lots of reasons to consider assisted living beyond one’s house being too much for them to manage. But let’s tackle the obvious reasons first.
For our family, the physical, mental and financial arrows all pointed to a significant need for change. My mother needed to make new friends. She needed help with her meals. She could no longer drive and couldn’t do as much for herself as she once could. Moreover, we couldn’t stay on top of the things we once took for granted, like making sure she didn’t eat expired perishable food or experience difficulty procuring and taking her prescription medications.
It’s kind of heartbreaking to see a person who was once a dynamic career woman lose her ability to care for herself the way she should. Even bringing my kids to see her was challenging, because her space was no longer toddler-friendly.
It’s also tough for some people to ask for help, especially for basic things like a broken toilet, a leaky faucet, or a new light bulb. There were times when I’d spend the first half hour of a visit addressing those very things- throwing rotten food away, refilling prescriptions, and fixing small household things that she was too bashful to ask for help with.
When the decision was made, my brothers and I all discussed the state of affairs with my mother, and she agreed that the quality of her life would be better if she didn’t have so much on her plate. She had spent winters in Texas with my older brother, but when he passed away we had to sell that house. The agent we dealt with, Tina Bertucci, was excellent. What is done with the primary residence once assisted living becomes the permanent arrangement is where a good real estate agent is worth their weight in gold.
The timeframe and preparation for selling the primary residence is a big part of where an agent matters. It’s not always easy to clean out decades of possessions and memories from a home, even if a senior has moved out for good. They often feel that they should have a say is how the contents of the house are dispensed with, and deservedly so; that’s their stuff.
For my mother, having her meals taken care of and being around other people with similar interests was a big game changer. She had always been a bit of a pack rat, and we were surprised that for a majority of her things, out of sight was out of mind. She wasn’t nearly as opposed to throwing out, donating, and otherwise removing things she no longer needed. The new reality of never missing a medication, never having to do dishes or drag a big garbage can out to the curb, and dozens of other “little things’ to the rest of us made her later chapters in life better.
For the past 7 years, I have been a Senior Real Estate Specialist, or SRES. The designation did teach me quite a bit, but it was my experience with my mother that makes this more personal than any other professional designation I have. Moving is a big deal for anyone; sunsetting a home and making a lifestyle change for someone in their autumn years is considerably more.
The big question to ask when considering assisted living is fairly simple. Will this improve the quality of life for the person? That doesn’t fully take into account the pain of change, the adjustment or the new challenges. They will always be baked in and there’s no way to sugarcoat that difficulty. But if the day to day quality of life for a person is such that they are unable to truly care for themself and assisted living would improve their day to day quality of life, then it should be explored sooner rather than later.
I think I speak for legions of other real estate licensees when I say that our involvement in this chapter of someone’s life is something we take very seriously, and we bring with us a significant amount of empathy, compassion, and patience.