My Suggestions For a New Real Estate Oath

Jonathan Washburn has written a very good oath for licensees to aspire to, and, being the mischievous imp that I am, I have a few modest suggestions of my own to “raise the bar.” 

1. I will limit my voice mail greeting to 20 seconds or less, and if I do not, I will tell you what button to press to skip it (the infomercial amendment). 
2. I will update my photo every 10 years, 30 pounds, or cosmetic surgery, whichever comes first (the “she’s not a hottie she’s a granny” amendment).
3. If I publish a property tax figure that is more than 5% lower than the actual amount, I will personally reimburse the buyer the difference at closing (the “buyer agent to do my work for me” rebuttal).
4. I will publish my cell phone number somewhere, either on the MLS or my website, and instruct my front desk to give it out to those seeking me (the “I’m too important to care that it isn’t 2005” amendment). 
5. If I tell a buyer that they’ll “get a better deal if they go through me” on my listing rather than use their buyer agent they just told me they were working with, I will buy that buyer agent’s groceries for a year, regardless of the ploy working or not (the raving #$%^@& amendment). 
6. I will not pretend that a cash offer somehow ameliorates offering more than 10% less than asking price under any circumstances (the “cash does not cure cancer” amendment).
7. I will never be a drama queen when a cooperating agent comes in with an offer I would consider too low (the “you can’t blame them for trying” corollary).  
8. If someone calls to ask a simple question on my listing, I will politely give them a simple answer without first demanding their name, contact information, email, or teen daughter’s Facebook handle (the “we don’t sell used cars” amendment). 
9. If I remind a cooperating agent how many years I am in the business more than once, they get to pie my face immediately with one of the following flavors: Cherry, Blueberry, Key Lime, Lemon Meringue, or Strawberry Rhubarb no matter what I may be wearing (the “we don’t care how it was in 1980” amendment). 
10. I will not offer rebuttals to feedback under any circumstances unless that rebuttal answer would cost less than $100 and I am very certain that it would make a difference (the “please go away” amendment).