Turnabout is Fair Play: Glossary of Consumer Real Estate Terms

Much has been written about the “code” licensees employ in describing their listings. For example, “cozy” is Agentspeak for “cramped.” “Potential” means that nothing has been updated since 1980. You get the picture. There are hundreds more, and I don’t blame consumers for taking agents’ descriptions with a grain of salt. 

However, consumers are people too, and from my vantage, I have often seen the some propensity for being, shall we say, creatively interpretive in turns of the phrase from them as well. So, in the interest of a little fun, I shall offer a few examples of consumer terms needing translation I have heard over the years. 

Consumer Real Estate Glossary

Outdated (buyer)- over 5 years of age
Updated (seller)- We changed a fixture or appliance
Musty– anything that doesn’t smell like laundry detergent
Moldy– Humid
Buyer’s market-I want to offer the same price for  for this 4 bedroom colonial as the 2 bedroom bungalow down the street.
Falling down– I see a drywall seam
They are crazy– I disagree
Slobs– The people with 4 kids who just let us into their home on 30 minutes notice.
My lawyer– God
Their lawyer– Satan 
Overpriced– We prefer to lose the house in a bidding ar after they whack the price next month.
We were thinking– We changed our minds
I’m paying Cash– I have an equity line on another property and I will remove my mortgage contingency 
Comps (seller)- Inferior garbage to my place
Comps (buyer)- Anything that sold for 15% less
I will use my union lawyer– The transaction will now enter the 7th ring of Dante’s Inferno
We are using an Internet lender– The deal will die 2 weeks before closing when Brad in Utah disappears into the cosmos 
I’d like to bring my parent to see the home– NO deal.
Sorry for not getting back with you– We were seeing homes with another agent who didn’t work out.
Pre-approved– I had coffee with a bank teller last April
Legal deck/bathroom etc– My brother in law knew what he was doing just fine.  

Feel free to add your own. And do remember that we are all people, and that this is meant to be a little fun at all our foibles in what is an otherwise uncommon period of life-buying or selling a home.