The original title to this was “We’re not in a Hurry.”
Real estate is a service industry. The consumers we serve typically hire us for our knowledge, communication, guidance, and a plethora of other service-oriented efforts to produce a result. We look to the client to tell us their needs so that we can plan our work and work the plan.
There is a phenomenon that I have seen in client feedback that appears to only exist in real estate and no other industry I have worked or been a consumer. I don’t know if it has a name but I’ll describe it in the context of other services to illustrate the challenges it can pose.
You are at a restaurant and order a ribeye, medium rare with garlic mashed potatoes and creamed spinach. Shortly after placing the order, you tell the server that it doesn’t have to be medium rare. As a matter of fact, you’re ok with not eating.
While being examined by your primary care physician, you are referred to a specialist for a chronic condition that has come to light. In the give and take of the discussion, potential lifestyle changes, diet, and other means of getting healthier, you state to the doctor that a long healthy life is nice, but short less healthy life is also a reasonable option.
You hire an interior decorator to update your home. Color schemes, curtains, carpets, furniture and all the other elements are planned. Midway through the disruption of the work, you tell the decorator that the original decor was was fine too, and you might just go back to that.
Lastly: You collaborate with your financial advisor on a long term plan for investment and retirement. A plan is formed that balances risk, income, asset growth, taxes, retirement and college tuition. Shortly thereafter on a down Wall Street day, you tell your advisor that you are mulling over just putting all of your assets into a savings account.
These contradictory messages are of course absurd and are obviously never heard, but now let’s apply it to real estate.
You hire the best agent you can find. For the prior 6 months, you have collaborated on making the house ready to show, planning the right time to list on the market, and pricing the home right. Your agent has arranged for professional photography, a virtual tour, floor plans, and a marketing campaign targeting the best buyer profile. A few weeks into the listing, while discussing whether or not to schedule an open house, you tell your agent that you don’t have to sell and you’re perfectly OK with staying put for another year or two.
Now, I know that when people say something like this that they are trying to say something else; it is usually a version of stating that they aren’t desperate. But I think that a better way of saying that you aren’t desperate is to say this: “We aren’t desperate.”
The enormous financial ramifications and emotional toll of selling one’s home are understandably significant. Experienced real estate agents should understand this. We also invest more than a little bit of ourselves into the goals of our clients. It’s hard not to. It isn’t just that we are typically paid on contingency. It is also the mission. Many of our clients are people whom we have been connected for months and years, and we pour ourselves into making them happy. The paycheck alone isn’t what gets us out of bed in the morning. We are committed to keeping our promises to people who have entrusted us to be the quarterback for the largest transaction of their lives. It’s hard to not be passionate about that.
So when a client says something that could conceptually erase the time and effort we have put in to representing them, the feelings range from perplexed to existentially disheartened.
Brokerage exists because a skilled advocate with a level head, an objective understanding of market conditions, and a financial incentive to produce a result is what has proven to be best for the consumers we serve. We have to be the voice of reason. We have to say things that may be uncomfortable and not what our client wants to hear, but what they need to hear. And we have to be professionally detached from the significant emotions the client is experiencing in the process in favor of being their emotional support human. Contrary to what the media might portray, we help clients through what is almost always a difficult process. But we aren’t robots.
Real estate agents are trained to be knowledgeable on many things, but there is nothing in licensing law or most technical training that makes us trauma experts, grief counselors, or skilled at de-escalation of significant animus. Eventually, the more experienced among us end up reasonably apt at those things too, but often at a personal cost. Over the years I have had to explain that to clients. Yelling, abusive behavior, and belligerence seldom have to be explained as no-nos. But the idea of pulling the plug on the whole project coming up when things get challenging is jarring, even when stated as an abstraction.
I would never want a client to be less than authentic or feel that they need to protect me from their thoughts. Quite the contrary; the more I know-good, bad, or ugly- the better chance I have of being effective. But there is still that line clients cross with their agent that is virtually never crossed with any other service provider.
So here’s a thought: you and your agent are on the same team (if your agent’s behavior doesn’t reflect that, you need a new agent). Remember that all of their efforts have been based on your stated goals and instructions. Every so often, remind yourself that your agent is not a paramedic, bomb diffuser, or hostage negotiator. They are more likely a former teacher, nurse or bookkeeper. They care about people, and are putting themselves out there. The best takeaway I can think of is to leave every conversation with your agent with a focus on what will move the ball forward. That puts the venting on the back burner and helps us help you.
That’s really the goal here. We are better at helping when the mission is center stage.
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How to Talk to Your Agent
The original title to this was “We’re not in a Hurry.”
Real estate is a service industry. The consumers we serve typically hire us for our knowledge, communication, guidance, and a plethora of other service-oriented efforts to produce a result. We look to the client to tell us their needs so that we can plan our work and work the plan.
There is a phenomenon that I have seen in client feedback that appears to only exist in real estate and no other industry I have worked or been a consumer. I don’t know if it has a name but I’ll describe it in the context of other services to illustrate the challenges it can pose.
These contradictory messages are of course absurd and are obviously never heard, but now let’s apply it to real estate.
Now, I know that when people say something like this that they are trying to say something else; it is usually a version of stating that they aren’t desperate. But I think that a better way of saying that you aren’t desperate is to say this: “We aren’t desperate.”
The enormous financial ramifications and emotional toll of selling one’s home are understandably significant. Experienced real estate agents should understand this. We also invest more than a little bit of ourselves into the goals of our clients. It’s hard not to. It isn’t just that we are typically paid on contingency. It is also the mission. Many of our clients are people whom we have been connected for months and years, and we pour ourselves into making them happy. The paycheck alone isn’t what gets us out of bed in the morning. We are committed to keeping our promises to people who have entrusted us to be the quarterback for the largest transaction of their lives. It’s hard to not be passionate about that.
So when a client says something that could conceptually erase the time and effort we have put in to representing them, the feelings range from perplexed to existentially disheartened.
Brokerage exists because a skilled advocate with a level head, an objective understanding of market conditions, and a financial incentive to produce a result is what has proven to be best for the consumers we serve. We have to be the voice of reason. We have to say things that may be uncomfortable and not what our client wants to hear, but what they need to hear. And we have to be professionally detached from the significant emotions the client is experiencing in the process in favor of being their emotional support human. Contrary to what the media might portray, we help clients through what is almost always a difficult process. But we aren’t robots.
Real estate agents are trained to be knowledgeable on many things, but there is nothing in licensing law or most technical training that makes us trauma experts, grief counselors, or skilled at de-escalation of significant animus. Eventually, the more experienced among us end up reasonably apt at those things too, but often at a personal cost. Over the years I have had to explain that to clients. Yelling, abusive behavior, and belligerence seldom have to be explained as no-nos. But the idea of pulling the plug on the whole project coming up when things get challenging is jarring, even when stated as an abstraction.
I would never want a client to be less than authentic or feel that they need to protect me from their thoughts. Quite the contrary; the more I know-good, bad, or ugly- the better chance I have of being effective. But there is still that line clients cross with their agent that is virtually never crossed with any other service provider.
So here’s a thought: you and your agent are on the same team (if your agent’s behavior doesn’t reflect that, you need a new agent). Remember that all of their efforts have been based on your stated goals and instructions. Every so often, remind yourself that your agent is not a paramedic, bomb diffuser, or hostage negotiator. They are more likely a former teacher, nurse or bookkeeper. They care about people, and are putting themselves out there. The best takeaway I can think of is to leave every conversation with your agent with a focus on what will move the ball forward. That puts the venting on the back burner and helps us help you.
That’s really the goal here. We are better at helping when the mission is center stage.